Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I need you to understand some things. I don't really want to know what my future has in store for me. I don't want to move out of this phase of my life; I don't want to graduate. I'm having a really hard time convincing myself of the fact that in the fall I'll be going off to college. No, I haven't decided where I'm going to college yet- I don't imagine myself at either of the places that I'm trying to decide between. Honestly, I don't really want to go to either of them, and I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that I HAVE to choose. I know you think I'm irresponsible because I go out with my friends more than I'm home. But when I'm home, you want to talk about graduation, and college, and all of that just makes me shut down and cry. You thought I was out of my mind tonight when I started crying and refused to fill out graduation announcements. You don't understand that the thought of graduating and having to move into a phase in my life I don't want to go through is painful, so painful. I don't know how to make myself excited for graduation and college. I see all my peers doing it, but I just can't. I know I need to start doing things like my homework, and going to class, and those damn graduation announcements, but just thinking about all that makes me hurt. So, mom, know I'm not being lazy when I don't want to help you address graduation announcements. I'm not purposely being rude when I walk away whenever you try to talk to me about college (which seems like all the time). But it just all hurts, and the only way I can make myself feel okay is to not think about that at all. So please, mom, no more yelling, nagging, punishing, or insulting. Because all of that just makes this worse. I know the way I'm feeling isn't normal. And I'm really trying to get over it. But I need you to give me time and space to do that.